What if I never marry? 

This is a question that seems to plague countless singles. As Jesus followers, it’s a question we must find peace in surrendering at His feet. I’m not suggesting that this is a one time thing, but rather it is often a continual, daily surrender. A struggle? Yes…for many singles. But in no way void of provisions and blessings from our loving Heavenly Father. 

Dear friend, in what I am about to say, please know that I truly understand the deep longing for marriage and family within godly constructs. It’s a desire I’ve personally held for as long as I can remember, and still do. I have not given up hope, and my heart is tender towards those who also hold this same desire. My loving challenge to you is to prayerfully consider the question, “What if I never marry?”. Be honest with yourself and with the Lord. Are there any negative feelings that begin to surface? I know this thought could possibly send many singles into a downward spiral of emotions. I’ve been there too. Jesus is kind, never shaming us for how we feel. The vast array of emotions human beings are capable of feeling is a gift from God. Even what we often label as a negative emotion, such as grief, allows us the opportunity to process and heal. We just need to be sure to continually bring these emotions to the feet of Jesus. He cares deeply for you, and is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). The Bible instructs us to take every thought captive unto Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Allow the Holy Spirit to comfort you with reminders of promises from God’s Word. Preach His Word back to your own heart. We see many examples of this within the book of Psalms. The Psalmist is not shy about lamenting before the Lord, yet remembers His wondrous works and offers praise unto the Lord. Our gracious Heavenly Father always works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). We can and should wholeheartedly trust Him with our lives (Proverbs 3:5-6).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  -Phillipians 4:6-7

As Christians, we are commanded to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. We have assurance that God will provide what we need (Matthew 6:33-34). He withholds no good thing from his children (Psalm 84:11). As we keep our gaze fixed on Jesus, we can rest in knowing that He will rightly align His good plans for our lives. Are we looking to Jesus for the gifts He can give to us, or sincerely desiring to grow deeper in relationship with Him? He longs to give good gifts, but we must allow the Holy Spirit to examine the motives of our hearts. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Doing so aligns our hearts with His will. If we truly surrender our desire for marriage to the Lord and it remains, I believe that is for a divine purpose. 

Be encouraged to know that nothing is wasted in Christ (Romans 8:28). He uses our trials to shape and mold us more into the image of Christ (James 1:2-4). The desire for marriage within Biblical constructs is good and godly. We can be unashamedly honest about this desire, but it cannot supersede our desire for the Lord. While unintentionally, our culture often elevates marriage to such a place that singles may feel as though they are second-class citizens, or not quite as mature as married couples. However, marriage and singleness are both held in high regard within Scripture. Paul, an apostle of Christ, spoke of the profound mystery of two becoming one flesh within marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33), as well as the advantage singles have in serving the Lord with undivided interests (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). While marriage is good, it is not the end all, be all. As Christians, our focus should be to allow the Holy Spirit to shape and mold us more and more into the image of Christ. We find our identity in Him, not in marriage (Colossians 3:1-3). 

What if I never marry? We must shift our mindsets from “what if” to “even if”. “What if” comes from a place of fear, while “even if” comes from a place of trust. Through my own challenging journey of dating and singleness, the Holy Spirit has graciously filled me with a deeper peace, hope, and rest in knowing that the Lord will fulfill my desire for marriage if within His good and eternal purposes. Nothing is too hard for Him. Dear friend, if you long for marriage as I do, I pray He fulfills that desire for you as well. And even if not, He is still our good and loving Heavenly Father. He sees you, is with you, and loves you more deeply than you could ever fathom. We are not promised a life free from struggle and pain, but we are promised His presence. His grace is more than sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Even if your life looks different than you had dreamed, be encouraged in knowing that the Lord will make it beautiful in ways that you hadn’t imagined. His ways are higher than our ways, and our thoughts are not His thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11), which includes you in this season of singleness.

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash