[Original Post Date: September 28, 2021]
Let me start off by saying: I didn’t come up with this idea. I can’t take credit for the creation of what I’m about to discuss; I give 90% of the credit to my best friend for the inspiration of this piece, because she’s the one who showed me this in the first place.
In my purse, you’ll find some pretty typical, mundane things that you would find in almost every woman’s purse: chapstick; my wallet; a checkbook; some extra makeup for touch-up; even a tiny flashlight. However, something perhaps unexpected that you’ll find is a small booklet decorated with a white sticker of a couple in embrace under an umbrella.
That booklet would be my aptly-named Umbrella Book.
Let me go down a small rabbit trail: I am a woman in my mid-twenties, who grew up in a dictionary definition of a “dysfunctional home” with an abusive father. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I grew up to be very close to my mother and two older sisters.
So, I end up on the receiving end of a lot of the stereotypical “Oh, you must have a skewed view of marriage, then.” No, actually, I don’t think I do. I may not have been a personal witness to a “functional marriage,” but we have a lot of good, family friends who have happy, healthy marriages. I’ve seen what marriage is, and what marriage isn’t.
Proof of that, circling back around, is this Umbrella Book that I want to talk about. My friend, Ryanne, shared this concept with me while we were roommates in college. She called hers a Lobster Journal--which I believe is a “Friends” reference--and explained how that journal contained hopes, dreams, prayers, notes, and other miscellaneous writings dedicated to her future husband. I loved the concept, but I didn’t really understand how important it would be to me, at the time.
Fast-forward about three years, and this Umbrella Book is now exactly the same hope for me that it was for Ryanne.
I can’t stress enough how much this little booklet has kept me sane through my season of singleness. And yes, I’m still in that season. This journal of notes and entries has allowed me to really focus on what marriage is, and what God calls it to be. I’ve done several Bible studies, read marriage books, listened to love songs, primarily because I’m a hopeless romantic. Allowing a place that’s private to God, my future husband, and to me, gives a safe space to grow and understand what I’m actually looking for in marriage, and discovering what God intends it to be for me.
Because that’s what marriage is: a partnership between a man, a woman, and God. Whatever the secular world says about marriage, this is what the Bible tells Christian women marriage is, and it took a while for me to really learn that.
My Umbrella Book didn’t start out as what it is today. It started out as a dove-eyed “here’s what I’m looking for” wishlist because that is all I knew on what to put in my book and all I had to go off of at the time. When I realized how much I actually wanted to get married, though, I started doing the research and studying from the Bible on what marriage is actually meant to be. As I did my studies, my little wishlist started to become much more of the Umbrella Book it has now become.
I write entries when something strikes me, whether it be through hearing a particular song, reading a specific part of a devotional, or if my future husband just pops into mind, I let him know I’m thinking of him. And no, I have no idea who my future husband is, but this little Umbrella Book started me off on thinking outside of myself, and thinking of someone else. My entries are about different things each time, but I always start and end them the same:
“Dear Future Husband,” and “I love you! ♥~Me”
And the more I wrote that “I love you,” the more I began to mean it. I don’t know who it’s being said to, yet, but having that in each entry has let me really process what that phrase will mean between me and my future spouse.
Like I said, I didn’t initially come up with this idea, and this little Umbrella Book didn’t start out as what it is today. It won’t be for anyone else, either. I have the firm belief that each of these special journals become something different to each person who chooses to start a journal of their own.
I never pass up an opportunity to talk about my Umbrella Book with other single women, because it was so helpful to me, and to my friend Ryanne, who is happily and newly married. It won’t be an “Umbrella Book” for you. It will be something specifically and uniquely yours, where it can be a safe space for God, you, and your future spouse. You can write in it however you want, and it can be about whatever comes to mind.
The whole book itself is a prayer to God, and what you really need in a spouse. I don’t mean like the wishlist I thought of at the start. God will take that little booklet and say “This is what you’re telling me you want, but I’m seeing who you need.”
A few recommendations to the reader, before starting this endeavor of having your own “significant other” journal:
Realize your season of singleness, and thank God for it.
I always thought it went without saying, but marriage isn’t a requirement. Not being married or not dating anyone doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you as a Christian. In fact, the Bible tells us how singleness is a blessing (1 Corinthians 7:7-8 ESV). It allows us to better focus on God. So, learn how to accept being single, and realize how much of a blessing it really is for your life.
Learn how to wait and be still in God.
I’m still learning this one; waiting is the worst thing sometimes. I know that I can get so impatient and excited about the idea of meeting my significant other that I just get kind of whiny and all “Why not now, though?!” Trust me: the minute you get impatient about wanting something, it’s probably a sign that you’re actually not ready for it...yet. God’s timing is good and perfect. If God has called you to marriage, please know and trust that it will happen when it’s supposed to. (I’m saying that as much to myself as to you.)
Remember that marriage is a union of THREE.
As basic as this seems, this is extremely important to remember. Remembering that marriage is a blessing from God dulls down a lot of the nerves that come with being in a relationship. Personally, I know I still get butterflies at the idea of being married. That’s not a bad thing, and if you’re like me and haven’t exactly had a good track record of relationships, it’s expected and normal. Constantly reminding yourself about what marriage really is helps a lot of those nerves, because it reminds you what marriage is for: it is meant to glorify God. The two of you are supposed to encourage each other in your personal relationships, and grow in your relationship with God together. -
I can’t begin to express how grateful I am to my friend for sharing this concept with me; I asked her about what first inspired her to write her Lobster Journal, and she said “A sense of longing. I had things I wanted to share with someone and nobody quite understood. Like, I wanted to share a corny theology joke, but didn’t feel like I was close enough with anyone who would actually appreciate it.”
Your “significant other” journal will be solely and uniquely yours. It should be something special, something you can keep on you, for whenever something strikes you.
I want to leave you with lyrics from the song “Dear No One” from Tori Kelly, because I feel the chorus accurately sums up the “significant other” journal:
So if you’re out there, I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’ for my future someone
‘Cause when the time is right you’ll be here
But for now
Dear No One
This is your love song
